Monday, September 8, 2014

Quit Whining and Woman Up!

Do you know that I've been on a diet since my Senior year in high school? Sounds pretty crazy right? I know, and as I sit back and think about it, I laugh because back in the day I actually thought I was overweight. I'm not sure what planet I was living on but if I could go back in time, I'd slap some sense into myself. 

Really. I'd LOVE to be now, the size I was then. A blonde toothpick. Hello.

Okay, now let me speed myself back to reality. 
Two kids and one husband later...

I'm 34 years old, only days away from being 35 and at this point I feel tired and worn down. I have bags under my eyes and I could very easily be 200 pounds overweight. Okay, not that much but it feels that way. In my defense, raising two very active girls isn't easy. Don't get me wrong, I love taking care of my family. They're my whole world, but time has flown by and as everyone else is thriving, I don't feel like I've moved a muscle in life. Unless you want to count the fact that I'm growing older and wider. At this point I feel like I'm gonna grow old, sitting in my little rocking chair while my grand babies play with all of my arm fat. 

I'm not even joking. I did it to my grandma until she'd get tired of me doing it. 

Some might call it a mid-life crisis, a nervous breakdown, a mom meltdown. Whatever you choose to call it is okay by me. The point, is that it's time for this mama to make some big changes. I know I'm loved, but what bothers me is that I don't love myself. You can tell me I'm pretty until you're blue in the face, but in the end I won't believe a word of it. Truth is, I don't feel it. I feel run down. I've spent the last 16 years taking care of everyone else and I've let myself go. I've forgotten that aside from my family, I'm still a woman with dreams. A woman with many talents and a woman who longs for adventure. 

I've decided to find myself again. Sure, it'll be quite a balancing act but I feel like I'm worth it.  I've decided to start with losing some much needed weight. It's going to be so tough, especially when it comes to food, but I'm putting everything I have into it. That's the reason for this blog. I figured that this would be a much better outlet than blowing up your Facebook feeds. You're welcome. I also know that there are some of you who doubt that I can do it, and that's okay. I've been down the weight loss road many, many times but you only fail if you stop trying. I hope that I'm lucky enough to come across nothing but encouragement, but if I run across some opposition I pray that it'll only make me stronger.

At the end of the weight loss journey, lies a new adventure. I've decided to give myself the gift of a personal photo shoot. I have racked my brain on things I could work towards. Season football passes, a girls' vacation, spa treatments. I've really thought of everything, but when a photo shoot ran across my mind, I thought it was the perfect idea. I'll soon be 40 you know. I think it fits right into my journey of self discovery. I've never been a front and center girl, so posing in front of a camera will be quite an event I'm sure. 

I won't lie though...
I'd love to bring my sexy back. It existed you know. 

So here's to day one. I hope you'll follow along with me. 
It's time to woman up.

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Life is Like a Box of Chocolates

Today, as I watched my babies walk into middle school and high school for the very first time, I felt a sense of sadness and an overwhelming urge to grab them up and tell them that they didn't have to go into the building. The realization was finally hitting me like a ton of bricks. They're not five years old, and this isn't kindergarten. I've had mama meltdown moments all day long. I'm not sure how everyone else feels, but all this growing up is wearing my heartstrings pretty thin.
It's kind of like dark chocolate. It's bittersweet when you first taste it, but as you continue eating it you realize it's not that bad after all.
Watching our children grow up to have all these "first time" moments is always bittersweet, and most of us have a hard time swallowing those moments. We all become basket cases, clinging to the days when they were first born. Trust me, their lives as babies flashed before my eyes this morning. As they grow and accomplish all the milestones, we find ourselves beaming with pride and suddenly, letting them grow up isn't as bad as we thought it would be after all.  Every moment (With God's Mercy and Grace) has helped shape them, prepare them, and bring them to the place they are right now.
In my case, it's 9th Grade and 6th Grade.
As emotional as I've been all day, I know that they'll be just fine. Each year, letting go has become one of the hardest things ever. In my mind, I'd be happy if I could keep them in a protected little bubble for the rest of their lives. Seriously, I would. That, however isn't how life works. They've got to spread their wings and we have to let them. What I've learned, is that fully trusting and relying on God to keep them safe eases my mind and puts my fears to rest. God knows the plans He has for them and the more I trust, the more comfort I feel. So grow on, my babies.
"For I know what I have planned for you, says the Lord. I have plans to prosper you, not to harm you. I have plans to give you a future filled with hope."
Jeremiah 29:11 (NET)
That sounds good to me.
Love in Jesus Christ.