Sometimes at night, one or both of my daughters will find themselves calling out to me. I answer them, to which they usually reply, "never mind" and then they drift right back off to dreamland. For the longest time, I wondered why in the world they would do that, and often times I would find myself in a state of complete irritation, because my only answer was that they were doing it for pure aggravation. One night, it dawned on me that they weren't doing it out of aggravation. They were doing it because they simply wanted to know that I was close. They wanted to feel safe, and secure while they slept. If you're a parent, then I'm sure you can imagine, or relate to at one point or another in your journey of parenthood, to the feeling of guilt that had overwhelmed me, and had quickly overtaken my body. I had, for the longest time, silently accused my precious little darlings of "aggravation" assault in the first degree.
After emotionally beating myself up, and begging the very merciful and forgiving Man upstairs to forgive my horrid thoughts, I have never allowed myself to venture down the road of irritation again. I happily answer each and every time they call.
The more I think about it though, the more I find myself relating to their need for comfort and security. Just as they need it from me, I need it from Jesus. Thankfully, His thoughts don't venture down the road of irritation, and He doesn't accuse me of "aggravation" assault in the first degree. He lovingly answers every single time that I call. It doesn't matter what time of the day or night it is, he's always there when I need him. During hard times, when the battle is raging. During moments of praise, and happy times. It's a never ending act of love and affection on His part.
In these last few days, I've had to come to terms with the reality of high blood pressure. I've actively avoided it for years, even though in the back of my mind I've always known that it runs in my family and it will probably be a very real issue in my life. That realization finally came face to face with me, by way of a very sweet ER doctor who said that I should have been on blood pressure medication yesterday. He didn't give me much of a choice as he tossed two pills down my throat, in order to lower my BP that was rising at a very rapid pace. After happily being sedated by pain medication as well, for the very bad headache I was having, I remember being upset with the nurse because he only sedated me and didn't knock me out. Ya know, that was simply for the birds. The least they could do was knock me out, and let me sleep in peace for a while. I was completely okay with the idea of having a mini vacation away from life, right there in the hospital.
While under sedation, I had a moment where I was feeling a little scared by the whole ordeal, and I found myself in major communications with God. I was in need of comfort and security. I needed reassurance that I would be okay. In the back of my mind I knew I would be, but I needed to know that He was there. We talked for a few minutes and I was okay after that. I was able to calmly rest during the remainder of my stay.
As I think back on these things, it makes me thankful. Thankful that I'm still here to answer my kids when they call out to me at night. Thankful that God guides the hands and minds of the good doctors. Thankful that no matter what life dishes out at me, I have someone to call upon when I'm in need of comfort and reassurance. His name is Jesus.
So let life rage on. We have a comforter, and a great physician. We have a man who can calm the rage. Isn't it good to know that we can be safe in His arms?
Love in Jesus Christ.